What a week…

The past week has been a week of trauma. An experience that drained me physically, broke me emotionally, and confused me spiritually. I’m stronger physically, but still emotionally fragile. Two hours before the trauma hit, I was under a heavy spiritual anointing on an appearance on a podcast entitled “On The Brink Of A Blessing”. As I’m talking about blessings and encouraging others, little did I know how much I was going to need my own words of hope in God.

I had a miscarriage. I lost a life without warning. I experienced an internal death that has shook me to my core. The actual loss was traumatic but the process of miscarriage was also a very traumatic experience. I have never experienced anything like this and I was hoping this would not be apart of my story…but it is.

With every weapon we could grab hold of, we used it to believe for a miracle. We prayed, we joined with other prayer warriors, we used scripture, we worshipped, we had Faith, we trusted, we believed, we spoke into the atmosphere God’s Word to us. And we still experienced loss.

I’m hurt. Based on my previous post on death and birth, I have been seeking God’s understanding on how this experience will help others, and what meaning is in it for me personally. I still believe life is manifested in death. I do believe all things work for my good. I do believe a miracle is still at play. There is no way God will ignore our petitions and deny His own Word. I know the miracle we believed for is going to show up differently than we expected. And…as long as God is in control of my life (and He is) there has to be some good in this.

I don’t like it. I’ll be honest. My heart still aches. Tears still fall for my lost child. One thing I have definitely learned, if God sees fit to give me life, I will accept it, be grateful for it, and never again say “I don’t want to be pregnant”. I want what God wants.

If you are reading this and have a similar experience, reach out with supportive words and kind thoughts. I’m still processing the experience and I welcome your words of comfort.

Life Resurrected: How to Live When Everything (Seemingly) is Dying All Around You

There is HOPE. I have so much hope for my future and the future of this world…right in the midst of the chaos. Why? Because I live and teach the principle that, “Things get worst before they get better.” With every great victory there is a period just before the end where it seems that victory is nowhere in sight. It may feel that all hope is lost and everything is out of control and out of balance. This is the place to rejoice because the Bible shows us over and over Triumph over Tragedy.

You may wonder, why do things have to get so bad before they get better? My belief is that in order to defeat something you have to get down on its level in order to come out on top, and literally stand on its head. For example, you wouldn’t know true happiness if you’ve never been depressed. You wouldn’t know how to truly live with hope unless you have experienced hopelessness. You wouldn’t know how to maintain a good marriage through all circumstances if you have never experienced some bad times. You wouldn’t appreciate the true blessing of good health if you have never been sick. And in recent times, we wouldn’t appreciate and yearn for unity, equality, and peace if we never experienced racism, segregation, and discord.

You see, tough times build desire, determination, and desperation for better. Desperate people are willing to be vulnerable and sacrifice EVERYTHING to experience better. The world is not dying, God is in preparation of something BIG and something BETTER. Death, even of this world, was defeated when Jesus died on the cross. The world is not ours. No manner of death can and will happen as long as Jesus LIVES! And…He is ALIVE!

Shalom, my friends. When things are seemingly dying all around you, cling to the Overcomer of all death and rest assured He is in full control. Believe in your heart that victory and triumph are near. Unite with a community of believers to find strength, comfort, and the stamina to persevere.

Dr. TC

I just want peace…

I’m broken-hearted because I’m black. I’ve asked God where can I move me and my family so that we can leave in peace and unity and feel safe. I’m waiting on an answer. I just want peace and I’m grieving over the reality this may never be…for me. I don’t understand why White people fear us so much that they continue to find (intentional) ways to take us out. One by one. If only the hope of real change could comfort my broken heart.

Discover Prompt Day 17

The Distance Between A Promise and Manifestation

Have you ever been so close to something, yet so far away. This has been the conundrum of my life for the past several years. I have been living in the space between a promise and manifestation. To be honest, I do not know how to live in this space. I do not know how to think, how to act, how to feel…I’m still figuring things out.

Distance. The space between a promise and manifestation is the constant waxing and waning of distance. There are moments when I feel very close to the “end”, then there are moments I feel at the very beginning. Sometimes it seems the waxing and waning is in response to my own reactions to my circumstances; some days I’m hopeful, other days I feel hopeless. Sometimes it seems the waxing and waning has nothing to do with me, but just the ebb and flow of life.

Distance. There are moments I feel so close to God, I can almost feel his breath. Then there are moments I feel I have to beg and plead for God to hear me. The closeness to God is so comforting and creates a sense of security. The days I feel distant from God I feel shunned for something I don’t understand. I feel like a lost sheep…a forgotten soldier.

Distance. What is this place? Why does it exist? In light of social distancing, distance is necessary to reduce and eliminate. In the light of a relationship where two partners are miles apart, distance produces fondness, admiration, and a yearning to connect. In light of a freeway with heavy traffic, maintaining distance means safety, precaution, and wisdom. In the light of an unhealthy relationship, distance is necessary for separation, freedom, and restoration. In the Bible, Jesus even felt distant from God as he was near death on the cross. Matthew 27: 46 (NIV) states, “About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” In the next moment, he died and the world was forever changed.

Distance. So…what if the distance between my promise and manifestation is necessary for an unexpected, life-changing outcome? What if the distance between my promise and manifestation is drawing me closer to God through a growing fondness and admiration? What if the “driver” of my life is using distance as safety and precaution to not allow me to be so much in control of a life I didn’t create? What if distance is allowing me moments to restore my total dependence on God and restoring His place as the head of my life?

Distance. I am still struggling, but one thing I am realizing through this time of reflection, Jesus’ painful acknowledgment of distance from God on the cross, just before manifestation of the promise, must mean I am somehow on the right track.

Be encouraged in your distance.

Dr. TC