The past week has been a week of trauma. An experience that drained me physically, broke me emotionally, and confused me spiritually. I’m stronger physically, but still emotionally fragile. Two hours before the trauma hit, I was under a heavy spiritual anointing on an appearance on a podcast entitled “On The Brink Of A Blessing”. As I’m talking about blessings and encouraging others, little did I know how much I was going to need my own words of hope in God.
I had a miscarriage. I lost a life without warning. I experienced an internal death that has shook me to my core. The actual loss was traumatic but the process of miscarriage was also a very traumatic experience. I have never experienced anything like this and I was hoping this would not be apart of my story…but it is.
With every weapon we could grab hold of, we used it to believe for a miracle. We prayed, we joined with other prayer warriors, we used scripture, we worshipped, we had Faith, we trusted, we believed, we spoke into the atmosphere God’s Word to us. And we still experienced loss.
I’m hurt. Based on my previous post on death and birth, I have been seeking God’s understanding on how this experience will help others, and what meaning is in it for me personally. I still believe life is manifested in death. I do believe all things work for my good. I do believe a miracle is still at play. There is no way God will ignore our petitions and deny His own Word. I know the miracle we believed for is going to show up differently than we expected. And…as long as God is in control of my life (and He is) there has to be some good in this.
I don’t like it. I’ll be honest. My heart still aches. Tears still fall for my lost child. One thing I have definitely learned, if God sees fit to give me life, I will accept it, be grateful for it, and never again say “I don’t want to be pregnant”. I want what God wants.
If you are reading this and have a similar experience, reach out with supportive words and kind thoughts. I’m still processing the experience and I welcome your words of comfort.
I keep getting the feeling something great is about to happen. In my years of experience just living life, whenever there is death, birth immediately comes. For example, I cannot tell you the countless times I have experienced family deaths and soon after, someone is also preparing for birth. It’s as if God designed the two to go hand in hand. Interestingly, sometimes life shows up first, as an indication you just “died” to something and entered a new season. Personally, I have been in a “dead” season in my life where my fight has seemed hopeless. Just this past weekend, I found out I am preparing for life (birth) and within a few days, it hit me. I just “died” to something! My season just shifted! God just opened doors! Hallelujah! Now, I am expecting blessings to show up one by one. I am expecting the fulfillment of prophetic words spoken years ago. I am living in expectation!
In my recent post Life Resurrected, I discussed Jesus being the overcomer of (all) death through his life that was resurrected. As I’m pondering this phenomenon, it is not just physical death that precedes birth or life, it can be death in any form. For instance, it can be death of a poor relationship, death to negative thinking, financial death, dying to oneself, death of a season in your life, etc. In all these instances of death, in some way or form, birth or life follows. This was the ultimate plan of God. There is hope. In this, no matter what may appear “dead” or “dying” in your life, a birthing (of something) is simultaneously taking place. Your dying circumstances will not overtake you, but bring new life-breathing opportunities. Keep hoping, believing, and expecting life to show up! New opportunities, new open doors, new relationships, and new life transformation moments are on the way.
As an activist, I am continuing the fight for racial equality and civil rights in my local area, I expect growth and progress. Justice, unity, and equality are not “dead” beliefs (as I once thought), but with the right approach, achievable realities. Endurance in the fight brings victory.
What appears “dead” in your life? I want to encourage you. Let’s continue the discussion.
I’m broken-hearted because I’m black. I’ve asked God where can I move me and my family so that we can leave in peace and unity and feel safe. I’m waiting on an answer. I just want peace and I’m grieving over the reality this may never be…for me. I don’t understand why White people fear us so much that they continue to find (intentional) ways to take us out. One by one. If only the hope of real change could comfort my broken heart.
Have you often wondered why you are “different”? If you are not a “different” kind of person than you wouldn’t get it. If you have ever been told that you are “different”, but never really told what that meant, then you understand exactly what I am trying to portray. I have been told that I am “different”. I never doubted it, I don’t believe, I just never really grasped what it meant to be “different”. In my recent reflection times, the concept of “different” continues to emerge from my unconscious mind to my conscious mind in my efforts to discover my “niche” in the world.
One thing that I am sure of is that I am creative. I have a creative brain, and that very well can make me “different”. It’s hard to describe how my creative mind words on a daily basis, and it is even more difficult to describe to others exactly how I “work”. The most sure thing I know is that I get bored with monotony and I have to constantly find new ways of “creating” something new. This itch for creating can be resolved internally or externally. I can create new perspectives, new insights about myself or the world; or, I can create new programs, services, or written works to satisfy my creative itch. I also enjoy using my influence to create something new in others. After all, it’s an art form to change lives. I came across an article of 25 inspiring quotes for creative people and began to process these quotes through my own reality of creativity. (And, to know me means to know that I LOVE quotes. Quotes are a sure way to ignite my creative juices.)
“A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.” -Ayn Rand
Creative people just want to know that the colors and patterns they chose have developed into a beautiful canvas. Has my work made a difference? Has my vision come to pass?
“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” – Albert Einstein
Creative people are always imaging the next project, developing the next vision, working towards the next goal. A creative brain cannot rest. It has to create something…always. I love creating new experiences and opportunities for myself and others. Whatever it is I desire to do in life, I don’t apply for it, I create it. I find a way to start a course of action that moves towards that desire, which leads to the next reality…
“An essential aspect of creativity is not being afraid to fail.” – Edwin Land
I’m not afraid of failure, I just don’t like it. I take risk, I utilize faith, and I am not afraid to be the one to try something no one else has in my circle. Again, a creative mind wants to achieve, that is our greatest success, to create something that works, that is effective for the purpose it was created for. Whoa…I just had an intrusive thought…isn’t that just like God?
“Clean out a corner of your mind and creativity will instantly fill it”. – Dee Hock
There is no empty space in a creative brain. It always fills the space with something new to develop. Creative people do not like feeling “stuck”. Why? Because being stuck means you are not using your creativity to grow, develop, and move forward. Creative people create paths that don’t exist. Creative people see color on blank canvases. Creative people create worlds from nothing. Now, that’s God!
“An artist is not paid for his labor but for his vision.” -James Whistler
Whew…this quote resonates deep within me. The visions I have are so mind blowing, so beyond what I can do, yet seem so achievable I can’t rest. Vision. vision. vision. My vision is clear, the journey there is muddled. The journey is sometimes discouraging, the vision is always awe inspiring. Creative people can not let go of vision. Creative people always see what is not there and create the reality of it, first in their minds and then in reality. Creative people are problem-solvers. Creating solutions is a great reward.
If these words resonated with you, fit your personality in some way, then continue to dare to be different. The world was created by the Creator of creativity, the master Creator. Your creative mind can take what seems like nothing and create something great. Your creativity helps solve problems and create solutions in the most beautiful, colorful way.
When I think about my relationship with myself, I ask myself do I like all of me. Do I like the way I look? Do I like the way I talk? Do I like my character? My personality? Do I like my successes? My failures? Am I satisfied with my my wins? Am I content with my deficits? Do I admire my strengths and willingly share my weaknesses?
As I have reflected on these things, I have come to conclude I like all of me. My relationship with me is solid. I know I am not perfect, but I believe my imperfections show my humanness and I am not blinded by those areas that need healing. I am not an emotionless shell of a person and I am not an overemotional bomb. I have been both, and I have learned to always come back to my place of grounding, the place where I give myself permission to experience my emotional realities deeply and without shame. I also give myself permission to surrender my emotional realities to God.
It brings tears to my eyes, as I am facing some difficult emotional realities presently. I’m vulnerable, but in this, the only way I know how to survive until my healing comes is to serve. I offer my story to demonstrate the power of sharing. I offer my story to demonstrate the power of connection. I offer my story to demonstrate the commonalities among us more than the differences between us.
There is someone somewhere who needs to hear your story. They need to hear your truth, the reality of your experience. Those things that have broken you and developed you. That experience that nearly destroyed you. Someone needs to hear your testimony of God’s grace, healing, & deliverance. I want to give you a safe space to use your voice to tell your story, to be intentionally vulnerable to tell your story, to heal yourself and others. So many times the most painful parts of our stories identified as traumatizing or shameful, silence us. But what if trauma and shame are our greatest strengths? What if sharing those parts of our story is the real game changer? You don’t have to be an elaborate orator or professional author of any degree. Your experience, your autobiography told from your unique perspective qualifies your story to be a best seller. Nothing more is required than your courage.
The true He(art) of storytelling is being willing to tell your story for His glory!
As I am celebrating the gift of motherhood of an amazing 3-year-old son, I can’t help but think about the mother of #AhmaudArbery who lost her precious son. I’m sure she was not prepared to not have her son with her on Mother’s Day. Just like I am not prepared to not have my son with me on every Mother’s Day from here until my final days on earth.
But, the reality is…as a black mom, that fear is ALWAYS present. I feared raising a black son the day of our gender reveal party. And, the world has gotten worse since that day. I am raising an intelligent, caring, loving young boy who is one of the friendliest persons you will ever meet. In our neighborhood, every person our son encounters, he greets as if it’s his long lost family member. He loves PEOPLE no matter the color of their skin. He knows, at a young age, how to find common connections in people that makes your heart smile. He yells across the grassy courtyard area and says “Hey!!” to everyone. He even looks back at me when they don’t respond and says, “Mommy, I said hello.” And I say, “I know baby, they didn’t hear you (although sometimes certain people do). You still show friendliness regardless.” I don’t wan’t to take that away from him. His love for people. His innocence. His ability to see the “good” in people.
The reality is…one day, much, much sooner than I anticipate, I am going to have to have more serious conversations with him about why some people don’t like him simply because he is “black”. I am going to have to explain to him why being black is not always safe in this world. My heart breaks imagining these conversations, as he is being raised by a woman who also really, genuinely, LOVES people and gets choked up thinking about people who hate others they have never taken the time to get to know.
So on today and everyday, I am celebrating Mother’s Day with a weeping heart. May every mother in the world, no matter your race, carry the burden of raising children who love deeply and value the safety and equality for all mankind. God’s sovereignty and our future generation are our (my) only hope!
I am soo excited to announce the release of my book entitled Raising BOYS: Birth to Toddlerhood. Shifting from a writer’s mindset to an author’s mindset is an interesting transition. To be honest, I am in the infancy stage of learning new strategies, shifting my focus, and altering my daily activities to become a better author. I don’t even know how I got here really…I just know that writing has been an outlet for me from as early as the age of 5, when I received my first diary. I remember treasuring that diary as if was the most valuable thing I owned, which at the time, it probably was!
My writing/author journey is all lead by HEART. I have a desire to meet other’s needs through my writings. I just believe that my writings will go beyond where I can go, and meet the exact needs they are intended to meet. Raising BOYS was such a fun project! It chronicles my journeys of raising a boy from birth to toddlerhood, but I have heard feedback from several readers that said the book is also impactful to those that have already launched their boys into adulthood, grandmothers, fathers, moms to be, and moms of girls! I am humbled by the support. Read and glean from the contents of this book. At the very least, have a good LAUGH. On the parenting journey, laughter and a drink is definitely the best medicine!
Visit my Amazon author page to read more about me and purchase your copy of Raising BOYS! Stay tuned for a FUN Book Launching Celebration featuring the inspiration behind the book…my 3 year old…Elliott Crooms! 🥰
Thank you for your support! Happy Mother’s Day! 💐Dr. TC
Being grateful is a choice. It is not always easy to choose gratefulness, especially if your life circumstances create pressure and uncertainty. Choosing gratefulness requires a shift in perspective from identifying the things in your life you want to change to identifying the things in your life you do not want to change. As a therapist, the first question I often ask my clients is, “What do you not want to change about yourself or your life?” I often get the shocked, taken aback look, as most people are conditioned to spewing off all the things they hope therapy will “fix” about themselves or their situation. I purposefully draw their attention to what’s “right” about them and their life, giving them immediate assurance they are not “broken” but “bruised”, leading them to a place of gratefulness.
Today, I choose to be grateful. I chose to be grateful for the challenges of motherhood, as I know my investment now will bring a great pay off in the future. I chose to be grateful for having a life partner, because I will never know what it means to die and not be loved. I choose to be grateful for lack, because when plenty shows up, I will appreciate it all the more. I choose to be grateful for anxiety, because it heightens my awareness to small moments of peace. I’m grateful for this opportunity to develop as a writer and author, because it has expanded my ability to serve.
Many of us have experienced the advantage of making lists. Lists help us organize our daily tasks and keep us on track to accomplish a goal. Lists sometimes are a conglomerate of things that need or are desired to be accomplished within a certain time frame. Lists can be ordered or unordered. Lists are also like gatekeepers of our time and space, as gatekeepers are “used to oversee how work is being done and whether it meets certain standards.” For example, this simile can apply to those daily lists we sometimes use to determine exactly what needs to get done by allotted times throughout our day in order for our day to live up to our standards.
Nowadays, many of us even use fancy paper, colored pens or markers to adorn our lists and make them stand out as a means of motivation. If it looks pretty on paper, we are more likely to pay attention to it and accomplish it. Lists also provide a simple organizational system with an immediate reward, checking the box. Have you ever checked boxes on a list? It is one of the most exhilarating experiences to check boxes once tasks are completed. My heart starts racing when I get to the last 2 or 3 items on a list, a feeling similar to being so close to crossing a finished line you can taste it. No matter your place in the race, crossing a finished line brings a feeling of accomplishment.
Habakkuk 2:2 (MSG) says, “And then God answered: ‘Write this. Write what you see. Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run.’
Like God’s instructions, I challenge you to make a list of the vision and dreams God has given you about…you. He speaks to all of us. He gives instructions. He directs us towards His purpose for our lives. Write your list. I also challenge you not to date your list. Dates are confining, build anxiety, produce unnecessary stress that may lead to discouragement, feelings of inadequacy, and eventually deflate your drive to accomplish much of anything.
Instead, list your vision and your dreams with a sense of freedom and excitement. List your vision unconfined by time. Make your list with confidence and security that if God is the developer of your vision and dreams, in due time, He will lead you to check every box in His perfect way and perfect timing.